Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize