If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
