I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
