my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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