I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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