Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
