Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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