Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
