Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Your penis caused this!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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