the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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