Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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