Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
