So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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