you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
