singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize