I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
