Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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