he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
