now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is wine microwaveable?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
