we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
