Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
