i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
