Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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