His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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