I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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