Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize