I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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