official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
