Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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