is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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