Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
