peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
