It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
