i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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