Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
