True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
