I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
