I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
