man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
