i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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