I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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