I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
