So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
