Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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