Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she told me i tasted like america
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
