I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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