I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
