I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
