my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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