so explain again why im purple
no
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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