How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
