i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
