i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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