I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
