chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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