I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
