i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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