Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
