Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
