Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
