Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
