would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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