I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The Olympian is in my bed
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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