wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
