That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
