She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
