i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
porn star boner night. come get it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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