Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
honey bunches of taint.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
