My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
