this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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