Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
