If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
