well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sext me about skeletons
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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